Archive for October 14, 2008

I know I haven’t really posted about graduation or my job predicament or anything truly life related but I’m starting to break. I decided I’d try out where my dad lives (GA) for awhile. I graduated and left my home of 22 years to try life down south. I knew I’d be better off financially than back up north. In high school, I never knew my life would become so filled with happiness and that all those years of torment and dark thoughts planted by hateful teenagers would become a very distant memory. College was amazing. I discovered so much about myself and realized there is still so much more to learn. It was a bubble for sure, but a bubble that I played in and had so much fun. I made so many friends that it’s weird to walk around for a whole day and not know one face. It was a lot to take in at first. I had so much and then suddenly, when I moved, I had nothing. It’s hard starting over. That’s a big understatement. It’s devastating, really. My first 4 weeks down here, I’ve never had my heart hurt like that. I felt and still do feel quite alone here. I have virtually no friends and I don’t find a point to anything that I do. It’s a substance-free existence. I don’t know how much more of this I can really take. I’m waiting for something. I don’t even know what. I pull myself together to break down every so often. I’m an old car and the engine is going.

I miss home. I miss the smell. The feel of it. I feel like a stranger here. I don’t belong.